What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety is the stage where a young child becomes anxious at the threat of separating from their primary attachment figure. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV, separation anxiety is a fairly common anxiety disorder, which occurs in children younger than 18 years old and persists for at least 4 weeks.

Signs of Typical Separation Anxiety:

• Clinginess
• Crying when a parent is out of sight
• Strong preference for only one parent over all other people
• Fear of strangers, or of family and friends who are not frequently seen
• Resistance to separation at bedtime or nap time
• Waking at night crying for a parent
• Regression to an earlier stage of development, such as thumb-sucking or “baby-talk”
• Anxiety that is easily eliminated upon a parent’s appearance

Clinically Significant Symptoms:

• Reluctance to fall asleep without being near the primary attachment figure
• Excessive distress (e.g., tantrums) when separation is imminent
• Nightmares about separation-related themes
• Bedwetting
• Homesickness (e.g., a desire to return home or make contact with the primary caregiver when separated)
• Frequent physical or somatic symptoms (e.g., abdominal pain and palpitations)
• Fear of being alone

Ways to Help Your Child Cope With Separation Anxiety:

• Encourage independent playtime at home
• Model calm behavior: Try to appear relaxed with a happy or calm expression
• Promote positive self-esteem
• For preschool aged children, a play Hide and Seek or Peek-a-boo. Play this game at home and allow a full minute to pass without being visible to your child.

Ideas for Drop-Off Routines:

• Help your child hang up their coat
• Read a book in the reading area and wave goodbye from the door
• Encourage your child to draw a picture to bring home for you
• Attach a picture of your family in the child’s cubby
• Allow your child to carry something special into school daily

*However, it is very important to discuss your drop-off routine with the classroom teacher to make sure it is acceptable in that classroom.

Book Recommendations for Transitioning Back to School:

• The Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn
• Llama Llama Misses Mama, by Anna Dewdney
• I Love You All Day Long, by Francesca Rusackas and Priscilla Burris
• First Day Jitters, by Julie Danneburg and Judith Dufour Love
• The Invisible String, by Patrice Karst

The growing digital world elicits mixed reactions and feelings. Social media, such as: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram, just to name a few, have introduced new possibilities in communication, networking, and staying connected to others. With these growing possibilities, navigating technology and social media can be fun, confusing or just plain common.

Increasingly, teenagers are spending more time on social media and parents are expressing ambivalence and sometimes frustration. danah boyd (she prefers not to capitalize her name), the author of It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens researched the role social media plays in the lives of teenagers. She emphasizes that the activities at the core of social media are here to stay. They include:

• socialization
• self expression
• exploring privacy and
• sharing information

For parents, what does that mean? It may suggest that learning the role social media has and understanding the culture, in the context of teenagers, can decrease concerns and help to manage expectations. Understanding the uses of social media can help parents provide support and assist a teen in appropriately and respectfully navigating social interactions and increasing their autonomy.

Embracing the new trends can be a positive experience rather than a dreaded and anxiety provoking one. A partnership can be developed between a parent and a teenager, rather than having conflict and contention. A parent can learn more about social media nuances; better understand the role social media has for their child while providing insight and guidance. boyd elaborated on “four affordances” that “shape mediated environments created by social media.” They are:

• persistence
• visibility
• spreadability
• searchability

These are likely what contribute to parents’ anxiety but are areas teenagers may not readily reflect on due to their developmental stage. Helping a teenager gain awareness of these four areas, while meeting their needs to socialize with peers, can have a positive impact on their social media activity.

Overall, as trends continue to change, it is useful to keep an open mind while providing supervision and support. An open discussion, asking questions and communicating with your teen is useful to reinforce positive and negative consequences that engaging in social media may present.

 

During the month of July, The New York Times had two noteworthy pieces by Jane E. Brody in the Personal Health section that focused on screen time and children. They grabbed my attention. Both articles highlighted similar distress that is often expressed by many parents coming into our practice. The most common frustrations expressed are regarding the length of time kids spend on devices, their limited face to face interactions with others, and the homework struggles that are a result of the distractions technology creates.

After reading Brody’s article on July 6th, I was interested in the PBS documentary, “Web Junkie” she referenced and soon after watched it. The documentary focused on China’s struggle and their approach to decrease the growing preoccupation among teenagers’ internet usage and gaming. The documentary specified that in China “internet addiction” is the number one public health threat to teens. Many parents in New York City think similarly; that their children and teens are hooked on screens although a formal diagnosis for this behavior has not yet been established.

A challenge for many parents is that schools require technology to complete academic demands. Additionally, youths’ interests are often centered on technology for entertainment and social connection. This leads to conflict and difficulties. Parents attempt to restrict time spent on screens and struggle with their approach. An important interpretation Brody plain and simply stated is that the use of screens has been reinforced by providing a consistent “babysitter” for children. This may be true for many families and an interesting idea to reflect on.

The documentary “Web Junkie” further put emphasis on technology as a teenager’s attempt to cope with loneliness. Connecting with others during games instantaneously or through social media likely reinforces use. All of the aforementioned points suggest the relationships our youth have with their technology devices is increasing and many parents are concerned and looking for ways to make changes.

How does a family start to make changes to create a healthy balance and live in a world surrounded by electronic devices? Some suggestions are:

• Establish rules & structure around technology at home
• Set limits and routines with devices
• Have device free time – for everyone; parents too!
• Model & encourage other activities to engage in at home
• Have alternative activities readily available for the child
• Get out and get physical
• Talk with your children
• Have family time without screens (i.e., play a board game, go to the park, bake cookies)

Bottom line, technology has advantages and is useful. Screens bring entertainment. Devices (phones, computers) are an important almost an obligatory part of everyday life. Internet has become a necessity for academic demands and social media a means to connect with others. Therefore, we must adapt, learn to live sensibly in a technology based world and help our children do the same. Change can happen when we help our youth develop healthy boundaries, routines and appropriate relationships.

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