For all the parents out there who are struggling to manage their children’s tantrums, this one is for you! Put yourself in your child’s shoes… there is A LOT to learn. Different environments have different routines, behavioral expectations and rules. Managing all of these things is an ongoing learning process, and it is not surprising at all that it does not always go super smoothly. So next time you are in the supermarket and your child is in the midst of a meltdown – here are some tips to get you through it.

• All behavior has a purpose – sometimes in the moment it can feel like tantrums occur out of nowhere, but there is always a reason. As a parent, you are in the best position to be a “behavior investigator”. In order to be proactive, and prevent future tantrums (i.e., decrease the frequency of the behavior), you will need to take a really deep breath and think hard about what was happening right before the tantrum started. Basically, it is your job to figure out the why (function) of the behavior. Some considerations:
  • Did you ask your child to do something that is hard or unenjoyable right before the tantrum started (think about all those homework related behavioral issues)
  • Did you ask your child to move from a fun activity to a less fun activity (transition between watching TV and eating dinner)
  • Did you tell your child he/she could not have something they wanted (cookie at a supermarket)
• Figured out why the tantrum is occurring? Great, now it’s time to stay strong!
  • If you have already told your child that he or she cannot have a cookie, you need to try your best and follow through with that decision
  • If your child engages in a seemingly never ending tantrum and then you agree to let them have a cookie, you are almost guaranteeing the future occurrence of tantrum behavior. Think about it from your child’s perspective: if crying worked for me this time, why wouldn’t it work again?
• Try to stay in the moment and remember that you are doing the best thing for your child
  • It is a fact that when your child tantrums in public, there will be people who offer unsolicited suggestions. Remember, you know what you’re doing. Stick with it!
  • Try your best to remember that because all behavior means something, the way you are dealing with it is a way of teaching your child about limits, rules, and eventually the appropriate way to get what he or she wants
• Tempted to give in? Think long term
  • Remember the cookie in the supermarket? Giving in would have solved the whole tantrum, right? Giving in may solve problems short term; however, remember that all tantrums are learning experiences so ask yourself the question: what did I just teach my child?
  • How you handle this tantrum not only teaches your child a valuable lesson about rules and expectations, it sets the stage for how you are going to solve these behavioral issues long term

Once the tantrum is over, the real work begins. Now it is time to figure out the best way to prevent another tantrum from occurring. Let’s continue with the example of the cookie in the supermarket. Maybe before the next supermarket trip, you sit with your child and go over your expectations for that trip (hold mommy’s hand, have a quiet voice, etc.). Depending on your child’s age, you may even give them some small jobs that will help keep them engaged during the shopping trip (find the carrots, apples, etc.). Be clear with your child: if they follow all the rules, then they can have access to something they really want (maybe it’s a special toy at home, or a special treat after dinner). Just make sure you make your expectations clear.

The last thing to remember is no one is perfect all the time. Tantrums can become overwhelming. Giving in does not do permanent damage, and it certainly does not mean you are a bad parent. All experiences are learning experiences, and you can use that information to make a better plan for next time. It’s all part of the process!

In the last several decades awareness and acceptance of mental health issues has greatly improved. Efforts to decrease stigma around mental health has allowed for the millions of children, adolescents, and adults struggling with mental health problems to seek support and access treatment. Although understanding and tolerance related to mental health issues has served to reduce public stigma of individuals with mental illness, misinformation related to mental health continues to be a problem. Below are 9 mental health statistics everyone should know:

1. Mental health problems are very common.  Around 20% of children, adolescents, and adults have experienced a mental health issue. Mood disorders, such as depression, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder are the most prevalent disorders in the U.S., with approximately 10% of all adults suffering from one of these disorders over the course of a year.
2. Suicide is the 10^th leading cause of death in adults and the 2^nd leading cause of death in 15-29 year olds across the globe. Mental health issues are a leading cause for suicide, since almost 90% of individuals who complete suicide have a diagnosed mental illness.
3. Although mental health problems are often not identified until adulthood, 50% of mental health problems begin before age 14 and 75% begin before the age of 24. Early assessment and treatment of mental health problems can significantly change the course of a mental illness and individuals who seek help early have better outcomes later in life.
4. Mental health affects women and men differently. For example, depression is almost twice as common in women than men; however, substance abuse is almost twice as common in men than women. Severe mental disorders, such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorders affect men and women about equally.
5. Mental health problems affect individuals of all ages, cultural backgrounds, and socioeconomic status; however, children and adults living in poverty have a higher risk of mental illness. Individuals from lower socioeconomic status are also often less able to access appropriate treatment for mental health problems.
6. Unfortunately, most adults (60%) and 50% of children with mental health issues do not receive mental health services. The cost of untreated mental illness is staggering—estimates suggest that serious mental illness costs America $193.2 billion each year. Treatment of mental health problems helps to offset this cost by assisting individuals with mental illness to reenter the workforce, decrease absenteeism, or increase productivity.
7. Stigma around mental health issues has helped to spread the myth that people with mental health problems are violent and unpredictable. The truth is that the vast majority of individuals with mental health problems have the same likelihood of committing violent acts as anyone else.  In fact, people with severe mental illness are 10 times more likely than people without mental illness to be the victims of violent crime than people in the general population.
8. Although dramatic cultural shifts have occurred in our acceptance of mental health problems, significant stigma continues to exist. Nine out of ten people with a mental health problem report experiencing stigma. Stigma can serve to worsen mental health problems and prevent individuals from seeking treatment.
9. People with mental health problems can get better and even recover completely if they receive appropriate treatment. Support from friends and family can often be a crucial factor in linking individuals with mental illness to treatment.

For a parent, having a young child that does not listen or throws tantrums is often written off as normal “toddler” behavior that they believe their child will outgrow. Then that child turns into a pre-teen who becomes aggressive, defiant and has frequent outbursts – also often thought to be normal “teen” behavior. But before your child even hits the toddler years there are usually signs that may signal something more critical is going on and that these behaviors are not as normal as they may seem.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is not something that many parents consider when they are dealing with some of these challenging issues with their children because they do not know it exists. Manhattan Psychology Group has created this infographic about ODD to help bring awareness to parents who may be having a hard time with their defiant toddler or teen. We hope that by brining awareness to Oppositional Defiant Disorder and its symptoms and treatments we can encourage parents to get a professional evaluation and ultimately get the help they need to improve their child’s behaviors as well as create a better parent/child relationship.

 

Share this infographic on your website:

<a href=’https://manhattanpsychologygroup.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-symptoms-treatments-infographic’><img src=’https://manhattanpsychologygroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/oppositional-defiant-disorder-signs-treatments.jpg’ alt=’Oppositional Defiant Disorder Treatment & Symptoms Infographic’ width=’600′ border=’0′ /></a><br/>Infographic by <a href=’https://manhattanpsychologygroup.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-symptoms-treatments-infographic’>Manhattan Psychology Group</a>

It is approaching noon and you have not yet seen your adolescent daughter come out of her room on a Saturday. Or your teenage boy is still not getting out of bed after his alarm is blaring on a school morning. If you are a parent, does either of these sound familiar to you? If so, you are not alone! These are two scenarios that are fairly common in a home that has a teenager. Why? Teenagers and sleep have a complicated relationship…

The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) emphasizes that for teenagers there are social and biological factors that impact their sleep. Adolescence is a period of growth and change. Not only are they physically changing but research shows that the patterns in their sleep / wake cycles change too. The UCLA Sleep Disorders Center highlights on their website “the average teen needs about nine hours of sleep.” Most teens are not getting that on a consistent basis. Most don’t realize or know that is recommended; they are either sleeping too much or too little.

With evenings filled with social and academic demands combined with biological changes no wonder a teen has poor sleep patterns. However, parents can help their son or daughter improve their sleep and understand why it is important to do so. Many times teens’ understanding of proper sleep hygiene and the importance of sleep is absent. Education and support will go a long way.
The first step is to educate and role model that sleep is as important as food and water. Second, explain what constitutes healthy habits around sleep. The following can be used as a guideline:

• Make their bedroom serene, dark and quiet
• Move out of the bedroom when not sleeping
• Try and resist naps, however if naps occur keep them short
• Keep to a routine – go to bed and wake up at similar times

Lack of sleep can have serious consequences. Parents need to pay attention to signs that a teen may not be getting enough sleep. However, it is just as important for parents to educate themselves and their children about these following signs and consequences:

• Increased learning, focus, and attention difficulties
• Poor grades
• Altered decision making skills
• Mood changes – increase irritability or depression
• Increased chance for high risk behaviors such as hasty driving or substance use
• Changes in appearance
• Decline in physical health

Overall, teens need sleep but too much or too little impacts overall functioning a great deal. Teenagers that become aware of how their lives will be altered by poor sleep and those that learn to recognize that they are actually experiencing trouble will be more likely to make a change. A psychologist can assist a teen with altering their sleep patterns with behavioral interventions.

Technology is not just a piece of hardware or software, but rather a link to individuals all over the world. We live in a society driven by social networking and status, with access to applications and other sites right at our finger tips.

Society has reached a point in time where location is insignificant and the only thing that really matters is whether a cell phone/ device has internet connection. While technology is attached to our daily lives in a positive way, it has also changed the dynamic of many social interactions.

Today, teenagers can’t seem to get away from their cell phones. Whether sitting at the dinner table or hanging out with friends, a conversation either, 1. doesn’t take place or 2. is revolved around some type of social networking site.

In an article written by Kelly Wallace, she discussed several ways parents have managed to break their child’s habitual pattern of constantly being on their cell phones.

Examples from parents:

• Melissa ( has a 13 year old daughter) pays an extra $5 a month for a special program that allows her to shut off her daughter’s phone from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m.
• Robinson (has a 17 year old daughter) cut off the Internet on her daughter’s phone once she reached her maximum data allotment.
• Love (has a 13 year old son) created a “Be Present Box.” Three simple directions while at the dinner table: 1. Insert phone  2. Close lid  3. Be present

Other ways to stop the addiction:

• “No Phone” zones. Designate areas in the household that forbid cellphone use.
• Silence during meals. Encourage your teen to silence, turn off, or leave their cell phone in an entirely different room.

• Allot a certain time of day to allow access to social media or text. Create a rule that allows access at specific times.
• Parental Control.  Monitor their activity.

Reference: “How to cut your kids’ cell phone addiction” By Kelly Wallace, CNN

Executive Functions are skills that help us stay organized and act on information.

There are many different processes that fall under the Executive Functions umbrella. Some of which include your working memory, time management, flexibility, prioritizing and problem solving as well as planning and the execution of a task.

Children with executive functioning skills delay have the ability to develop these specific skills with the help of educational programs and scaffolding support. Adults involved in the child’s life can help the growth of these skills. Ways in which an adult can enable the development of these skills is by establishing routines, modeling appropriate social-emotional behavior, and exercising the importance of time management.

Many children that lack executive functioning skills are facing the challenges of the loss of their administrative control, however, each unique in their own respect.

There are 8 different skills of Executive Functioning:

Skill	What it means
1. Impulse Control	Think before acting
2. Emotional Control	Keep feelings in check
3. Flexible thinking	Adjust to the unexpected
4. Working Memory	Keep information in mind
5. Self-monitoring	Self-check/ evaluate yourself
6. Prioritizing	Decide on a goal and plan to meet it
7. Task Initiation	Get started on your task
8. Organization	Keep track of things mentally and physically

(https://www.understood.org)

The basis of their EF development stems from organization. This can have an effect on their ability to plan and initiate a task, inability to plan ahead, and difficulty processing or retrieving information. One way in which you can assist a child that experiences these challenges is by utilizing a calendar/schedule. By modulating their time, you will be setting them up for success.

The following is an example of a study schedule that was created for a child that had difficulties prioritizing a task, organizing work and self-regulating their time:

Inequalities Exam

Tuesday, December 2015

Thursday 3rd	Friday 4th	Saturday 5th	Sunday 6th	Monday 7th
Compound Inequalities	Translating words and multi-step equations Converting Graphs to inequality Statements	Inequality Word Problems Word Problems Day 2 and start of Linear Inequalities	solving and graphing inequalities	Writing a linear inequality from a graph linear inequalities on coordinate  plane

Your teen used to be a happy kid, used to spend a lot of time with you and their friends, and used to play sports. Lately, however, they have been irritable, kind of withdrawn and have not been to basketball practice in over a month. You wonder, what happened to my happy child? You wonder, is my child depressed or are they just going through a rough time? – but how do you know? And what can you do as a parent?

What’s typical?

• Adolescence is a difficult transition and teens can experience “growing pains”
• Occasional bad moods or acting out are normal
• Some parental conflict is to be expected as they start to assert their independence
• Feeling sad or down are natural emotions and they can be reactions to daily stressors. Most people deal and get past these feelings within a few days.

Depression, however, is more than occasional sadness or feeling down. One in five teenagers has experienced depression at some point. It is a strong mood that lasts for weeks, months, or even longer. Depression also affects one’s energy level, motivation, and concentration, and subsequently interferes with their ability to function on a daily basis.

Symptoms of depression

• Persistent sadness or hopelessness
• Irritability, anger, hostility
• Tearfulness or frequent crying
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Loss of interest in activities
• Changes in eating habits
• Restlessness and agitation
• Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
• Lack of motivation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Negative/pessimistic thinking
• Insomnia or oversleeping

Some other signs to look out for:

• Problems at school due to low energy and concentration difficulties
• Drug and alcohol abuse – as a form of self-medication
• Low self esteem – feelings of ugliness, shame, failure, and unworthiness
• Increased use of the internet in order to escape problems, but causes further isolation
• Engagement in reckless behavior
• Self-harming behaviors

Teens don’t always show typical symptoms of depression such as sadness or withdrawal. For some, irritability, aggression, and rage are the main symptoms. Unexplained aches and pains, physical ailments such as headaches and stomachaches are also common as is extreme sensitivity to criticism, and changes in socialization.

Some things to consider: how long the symptoms have been present, how severe they are, and how different your child is acting compared to their typical self. Typically when teenagers withdraw or stop doing things they used to enjoy can be a sign that something is wrong. Dramatic changes in personality, mood, or behavior and/or changes in academic performance are all red flags for a more severe problem that requires immediate attention.

Tips on how to talk to your teen:

• Offer support
• Be gentle and persistent
• Listen and don’t criticize
• Validate feelings

Treatment

• Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most common treatment for adolescent depression. Through CBT, adolescents are taught to challenge their negative thoughts that are common in individuals with depression and learn how to cope with their depression
• If depression is severe, treatment may involve a combination of individual therapy as well as medications such as antidepressants

If you are concerned your adolescent may be suffering from depression, talk to your health care provider and make an appointment to see a mental health professional. Speak to your provider or call a suicide hotline if you are worried that your child is experiencing suicidal thoughts. Call 911 immediately if you feel that your child is in imminent danger.

It is common for parents to allow their children to sleep in their bed from time to time. However, for some parents occasionally allowing their child to spend the night in their beds can quickly morph into a problematic and chronic co-sleeping situation. Co-sleeping with older children can be especially detrimental as it can create stress for the entire family, lead to poor sleep patterns for both parents and children, and inhibit the ability of children to develop independence. Co-sleeping also negatively affects a child’s social development since the child is inhibited from functioning normally with peers. For example, the child may be unable to attend or host a sleep-over, join over-night school trips, and go to sleep away camp.

Frequently, parents report that they allow their older child to sleep with them because the child is anxious and unable to sleep alone in their own bed. Anxious parents may also find it difficult to set limits with their child and thus allow the child to continue sleeping in their bed, even once they have recognized that the pattern is problematic. It is important for parents to know that responding to a child’s anxiety to sleep in their own bed by allowing them to sleep with a parent only exacerbates a child’s fear of sleeping alone. Thus, rather than having to learn how to self-soothe and manage his or her own fears, the child has only learned how to escape from the fear of sleeping in their own bed. Other reasons parents may allow a child to co-sleep include marital difficulties or a recent divorce or transition in the family. Unfortunately, co-sleeping usually worsens marital difficulties and can often make it more difficult for a child to adjust to transitions in the family. Thus, although co-sleeping can be a tempting “Band-Aid” to use when trying to manage childhood anxiety, sleeping problems, or family transitions, it will usually only worsen the problem and create more along the way.

Severe chronic co-sleeping situations will often times require professional help, especially if your child is very anxious of sleeping alone in his bed. Thus, consider if you should contact a mental health professional to assist you in alleviating a chronic co-sleeping issue. The following steps can also be taken by parents who have committed to breaking the co-sleeping cycle:

1. Create a strict bedtime routine that ends with the child sleeping in their bed every night.
2. Decide to begin implementing the bedtime routine and stick to it even though the child will resist.
3. Explain the purpose of the new bedtime routine with your child and validate that your child may feel worried about the upcoming change, while at the same time assuring your child that you are confident they will be able to get used to the new routine.
4. Identify self-soothing strategies for your child (for example, listening to music, taking deep breaths) that can assist your child in managing his or her anxieties once you have left their room.
5. Stay consistent! Remind yourself that even though your child will protest, you are doing what is best for your child.  By teaching your child to sleep alone, you are inspiring confidence in their ability to manage their own anxieties and you are assisting them in achieving developmentally appropriate milestones.

 

Does your toddler have difficulty sleeping?

Do they wake up in the middle of the night crying?

Do they wake up too early or go to sleep too late?

Had their sleep been seemingly normal and now all of a sudden there’s a change?

Getting your child to sleep throughout the night is a common toddler sleep problem. Toddler sleep habits can be challenging and frustrating for any parent.

So what can you do to help your toddlers get to sleep at night?

We will review some of the most common troubles and solutions for creating better sleep habits or “sleep hygiene” to getting your child to sleep the best they can!

Sleep Hygiene refers to the behaviors and the routines we put into action at home prior to going to sleep. The specifics and the consistency of such routines and behaviors can impact the quality of sleep and overall alertness for the next day. Children benefit from structure and consistency around bedtime routines.

What are typical toddler sleep habits?

• Most toddlers need between 12-14 hours of sleep over a 24 hour period
• By the end of the 2^nd year, naps typically decrease from two to one nap a day
• Between the ages of 2 and 3, most toddlers move from cribs to beds
• Toddlers do not look forward to sleep
• Common problems include: bedtime resistance, night awakenings, and difficulty getting back to sleep

What to look out for?

• Wakes up in the middle of the night crying
• Shows more clingy behavior
• Prolongs sleep routine
• Changes in daytime behavior
• Ask yourself if there have been any recent changes

What can disrupt sleep?

• Surroundings – Toddlers are more and more aware of their surroundings and this awareness could distract them from getting to sleep at night
• Imagination – Their growing imagination can disrupt sleep
• Discomfort – teething or an illness could cause a disruption in sleep, and increased crying and irritability
• Mild separation anxiety– fear of separation from a caregiver could arise at this age
• Dreams and nightmares – toddlers have a difficult time distinguishing these from reality and therefore nightmares could cause distress during this time for them.
• Fear of the dark – increased fears of being in the dark and of monsters could emerge at this age
• Bed – Transitions from a crib to a bed could be a difficult transition and increase stress
• Change or stressors in the family or an increase stress among parents could cause a disruption in their sleep

What can you do to improve your child’s sleep routine?

• Consistent bedtime
• Establish a bedtime routine
• Set clear limits – i.e. how many books to read
• Dream rehearsal could help – changing the ending of a nightmare, making the dreams less scary
• Relaxation – make sure bedtime is quiet, and your child is engaging in relaxing activities – taking a bath, reading a bedtime story, lower the lights
• Night light – if your child is afraid of the dark put on a night light
• Security items/comfort items – allow your child to take security objects such as a blanket or stuffed animal to help them feel more relaxed
• Be mindful of any screen time which can stimulate the child or books – content should be mild
• If you need to go into their room, night time visits should be brief and boring for your toddler – assure them that they are ok and leave the room
• If your child is an early riser – keep blinds closed, make sure the room remains dark
• If they are accustomed to your bedroom – reverse it – spend more time in their room on a chair, dim the lights and make their room more relaxing

Signs your child may not be getting enough sleep!

Paying attention to a child’s sleep hygiene is important because poor sleep can have large effects on overall functioning. Children may feel badly the next day and present with different moods and behaviors such as:

• Irritability
• Poor concentration
• Lower frustration tolerance
• Over activity
• Sleepiness during the day
• Changes in their appetite
• Physical complaints (headaches)

When to seek help for your child’s sleep issues?

• If your child’s bedtime difficulties persist and/or are affecting their daytime behavior, contact your pediatrician to discuss this further and seek appropriate recommendations and referrals

 

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HOW NYC LIFE CAN AFFECT A CHILD’S SLEEP AND BEHAVIOR

Children often enjoy playing games as well as spending time with their parents and siblings. Combining these two pastimes can be exciting for a child. There are many benefits of board gaming for children such as enhancing social skills, boosting their self-esteem, developing fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination, teaching number, shape, color and word recognition, and encouraging flexible thinking. Board games also help increase a person’s attention span and ability to focus on a task.

How do Board Games Enhance Social Skills?

 Board games help children learn important social skills such as waiting, turn taking, sharing, how to cope with losing, making conversation, problem solving, compromising, collaborating and being flexible. These skills are important in school-aged children so that they can appropriately respond in social situations both inside and outside of the home. Games like Candyland and Chutes and Ladders teach children that flexibility is crucial because luck can change very quickly. Children quickly learn that these games are not necessarily about skill acquisition but more about how one may cope with change in a playful environment.

The Ups and Downs between Winning and Losing

Have you ever seen a 4 year old appear ecstatic during a game of Chutes and Ladders when they climb up the ladder? Have you also seen that same 4 year old appear in extreme distress when they fall down the chute? For some children it’s very difficult for them to move down the game board or lose the game. It is very helpful, if parents model moving down the game board or losing with a calm attitude. For example, if a parent is almost at the candy castle, but they pick a gingerbread man and need to move all the way back to the beginning of the game, a parent can say, “That’s okay, maybe next time I’ll pick a better card.” When a parent models a calm response it is a powerful way for children to imitate an appropriate reaction to a difficult situation.

Some Things to Consider when Choosing a Game for Your Child: You can check the side of the board game box for the age range and average playing time. Make sure the age recommendation and playing time is appropriate for your child’s chronological and developmental age.

Here is a helpful list by age to keep your child engaged whether they are a preschooler or a teenager:

 

Preschool, Toddler and Elementary School Age	Ages 7 and Older	Teens
Candyland Chutes and Ladders Hoot Owl Hoot Sneaky Sneaky Squirrel Game Don’t Break the Ice Memory Sequence for Kids Zingo	Connect 4 Trouble Sorry Monopoly Scrabble Jr Blokus UNO Apples to Apples Jenga Spot It	Clue Scrabble Battleship Othello Scattergories Trivial Pursuit